Finding the Gifts in Your Gifted Child

by Samantha Sawyer
 
 

You're proud of your gifted child's achievements, but whenever you hear the words from other parents' lips, "You are so lucky," you inwardly cringe. They have no idea how hard you work to do simple things like run errands, go to events and eat a peaceful dinner. It's hard reconciling the "gift" of a highly intelligent child and the challenge of every day life with one. Read on for ways to outsmart your smarty-pants and enjoy more peace and calm in your home.

Despite providing your gifted child every possible opportunity to succeed in life, he throws fits and has intense outbursts of anger. Your positive parenting attempts don’t seem to matter when he’s caught up trying to entangle you in a power struggle. Parents want the best for their child, but when it comes to gifted, intense children it can be tricky to know exactly what is best. There’s a pot of gold at the end of this rainbow (or so you’ve heard) but what about right now?

When a child’s intensity spills over into their social-emotional interactions it tests our nerves, to say the least. It takes all the control we, as adults, can muster to stay calm and logical when the little one is yelling, fussing and demanding that we follow his rules instead of the other way around. How can you shift this behavior so that he learns to get along with others, a true prediction of success and happiness in life?

We mistakenly assume that children born with intense, sharp minds come wired with the corresponding social skills. However, a child born with muscles isn’t born an athlete. Skills develop when they are targeted with intention, consistency and repetition. Let’s shake up this super-serious “me” behavior by giving your child large doses of “we.”

▪  Set the rules of your household along with your child

▪  Post the rules at your child’s eye-level in a common room

▪  When a rule is broken enforce a short 30-second break (this applies to all family members, grown-ups included)

▪  Catch moments when your child is obeying a rule he doesn’t usually follow (e.g. no yelling) and provide heartfelt appreciation

Setting house rules allows your child to know what the limits are within your family, which gives him internal security, especially since he had a voice in creating the rules. Providing deep, heartfelt reinforcement for good behavior floods his brain with intense happy chemicals, which makes him more likely to repeat the behavior you praised and less likely to lash out in anger.

Your intense, gifted child is well on his way to developing a strong self-identity so use the best platform you have available – your family - to nurture his sense of unity and cohesion. Being intentional and consistent about house rules allows you and your child to respond in more predictable and peaceful ways. So grab hold of the tail end of that rainbow and ride it high into the sky! Let the opportunities you provide nurture your child’s emotional skills as much as his academic skills, and he will successfully mature into his natural giftedness.

You can believe this!

Samantha Sawyer, M.A. CCC-SLPOwner, Brightening Connections LLC651.785.3059www.BrighteningConnections.com

Bundle Up: It's Cold Out There

It's Minnesota and we won't let the cold keep us inside. Knowing how to bundle up properly will help you stay warm and dry no matter the temperature. Layers are the way to go - layers trap body heat and help insulate you from the cold. In addition, you can remove layers to let heat escape to prevent overheating. Using light and medium layer is better at regulating your body temperature than just going with a heavy winter coat or jacket.

First Layer - Avoid Cotton

The fabrics you choose are important since some can actually make the cold worse. Outdoor experts say that natural fibers aren't a good choice for a first layer. Synthetics do a better job of wicking away moisture from the body. Cotton can actually hold onto mositure and keep you colder. Wool and wool blends are a good choices because it is known to retain the ability to insulate even when wet. Synthetics that are designed to wick way moisture are the best. This first layer should be light and comfortable.

Second Layer: Warmth
The second layer is to keep your body's natural heat in. This insulating layer could be a fleece or synthetic layer or a light weight down jacket - all do a good job of keeping you warm and again they are light and comfortable.
Your activity can determine the weight of your layers. The more active you are outdoors the thinner the layer and conversly the less active you are thicker is better. Fleece is effective in all situations.

Top Layer: Sheilding
The top layer's function is to act like a shield, reflecting the elements away from the body. The outer "shell" layer protects from wind, rain and heavy wet snow. Many of today's jackets come with several layers zipped into each other allowing for you to make adjustments as needed. The outer shell has that protective property that it needed.

Keep Your Head Warm
I can still hear my mom telling me, "get your hat on so you don't get cold!" She was right. You can lose a lot of body heat if your extremities aren't covered properly. A good hat, mittens or gloves and warm boots will go a long way to keeping you warm and comfortable. Once your head, hands or feet are cold your outdoor time is over - so "get your hat on!"

Homemade Card and Decorations

The holidays are such an exciting time for everyone! Children want to be involved in all kinds of projects and here are three to get you started. Great for a variety of ages, these three projects include creativity and the spirit of the season. Next week . . . more ideas!!

Homemade Holiday Cards

Holiday cards are a wonderful creative project that need only a few basic items which you probably already have in your art supplies. Paper, crayons, markers, glue sticks get things started. You may want to add seasonal stickers, glitter glue or other specialty items to your supplies for this project. You'll also want envelopes if you plan to send the cards out in the mail. This is one of those projects that you can get out and work on for one day or over several weeks.  I liked to keep this project at the ready in a plastic storage box so that we could pull it out when we were feeling like working on it. I had cut the paper for the base cards, usually out of card stock, sized for the envelopes. You can also purchase blank cards with envelopes ready to use. We sent the cards along with a photo of the children to family and close friends and also used them with holiday gifts. Learning concepts include: creative expression, small motor skills - cutting / gluing / assembly, previewing, planning and writing skills.

Paper Chains

This classic activity is aways fun. We enjoyed using all types of papers - construction paper, craft paper, heavy duty wrapping paper, etc. Although we traditionally made the chains for the winter holiday season we would also make them for other occasions throughout the year. The children enjoyed decorating the plain paper with drawings and we also liked to write messages that reflected the season - holiday wishes, words of gratitude, hopes and dreams. Sometimes the chains graced our tree or staircase banister. The children really loved to decorate their rooms with these cheerful chains. Learning concepts include: small motor skills - cutting / gluing / assembly, patterns, planning and construction, creative expression and writing skills.

Beaded Ornaments

This simple activity uses colored pipe cleaners and large sized pony beads. Obviously this isn't recommended for the very young child but we started making these when the children were about three. As with most of our projects I was right there with them. Part of the activity was sorting out the beads they wanted to use. We used a muffin tin to keep the colors separated. This is another project that can be worked on as time allows. I had a plastic bead storage container to keep the beads ready to use. Each child had their own zip lock bag with their creations safely stored.  These designs look wonderful as gift box decorations, on the tree or around the house. We've used this idea to make napkin rings and brought these out to create other shapes for other holidays and seasons. Learning concepts include: sorting, patterns, small motor skills - loading beads onto pipe cleaners and shaping, previewing and planning skills, creative expression.

Keys to Long Term Placements

The majority of families and nannies are looking for successful, long term placements. The continuity and consistency of care is one of the driving forces in maintaining the relationship between family and nanny. Studies have shown that this consistency between parents and caregivers help children develop a strong sense of self, improve academic skills and build confidence.

Parents cite several benefits of having developed a partnership with the nanny over time. There is the comfort in knowing that the nanny maintains the children's routines as well as being prepared to meet each new stage of development. Any challenges with children's behavior or concerns about developmental issues receive full attention and observation. Discipline styles, expectations of behavior and children's individual interests receive continuity of attention from all the adults in the child's life. Parents also mention having another adult, a "child specialist", involved with their care has helped with early detection of developmental issues, suggestions about activities or classes that encourage a child's interests or talents, and a team member with which to share ideas.

Nannies appreciate a long term situation for its inherent stability. A component of any nanny position is the emotional investment, not only in the children, but in the family as a whole. Feeling that you have years to enjoy and develop the relationships leads to a greater sense of job satisfaction and keeps the nanny feeling energized about the job itself. The concept of partnership is highly valued by nannies.

Keys to successful long term situation have a great deal to do with mutual respect, appreciation of hard work, appreciation of the roles played by everyone in the child's life, and mutual flexibility. Parents view respect and appreciation as acknowledgment that their role in the child's life is number one. Decisions made regarding the children are theirs to make but parents who realize the value of the nanny will undoubtedly seek their input. Nannies highly value an appreciative employer family. Appreciation can be verbal acknowledgement as well as in the compensation or benefits offered. When nannies are asked about making long term commitments to families, almost without exception, they will cite appreciation by parents as top of their list for continuing employment with a family. Flexibility in schedule and sensitivity about special circumstances are important to both parents and nannies.

Being a nanny who had a 20+ year employment with one family, I understand the challenges and rewards to long term placements. Building long term relationships requires patience and a positive attitude. It's easy to love the children, even when they are testing boundaries - because they are children and that's what they do. The relationship with the parents needs to be thoughtfully and purposefully nurtured. As adults we all have "our way" and we need to open ourselves to new possibilities.

The unique nature of the nanny-family relationship can be challenging at times but with thoughtful consideration of one another a long term placement is possible. Children have the most to gain from development a committed relationship between the nanny and family - their well being is everyone's goal.

Dramatic Play - Valuable Learning Opportunity

Dramatic play allows children to explore their own interests and knowledge and place it into the reality of their world. Play that includes this type of exploration is known to contribute to intellectual and language development. In early childhood, drama needs no written lines to memorize, structured behavior patterns to imitate or the presence of an audience. Children need only a safe, rich environment and the freedom to experiment with roles, conflict and problem solving.

Opportunities for dramatic play are spontaneous, child-initiated and open ended. Individual expression is pivotal to all dramatic play which means that it appeals to all cognitive and physical abilities – it is inclusive to all young children. As with most learning opportunities for the young child, it is the process not the product that is the most important aspect. Dramatic play includes role playing, puppetry and does not require interaction with another person. It can also include the society of others and social interaction, but it is the child who determines how the play develops. Children will then direct, interact and develop story lines with others which can be peers or adults. Children frequently reenact a scene or story from their own lives or from other media (books, videos, TV, etc.). Play is the child's scope of work and dramatic play is one of the more vital types of play that should be available to children every day.

While dramatic play is typically most active in the toddler through preschool years, many children continue to use this type of play well into early grade school. Not only is the play a way to explore and problem solve their world it also is a way to destress. So the Kindergartner, first or second grader may need to use play to release the pressures of their day.

So now that we understand the value of dramatic play it's time to think about providing children with some space and props. This doesn't need to be complicated. In fact, simple is best because it allows children to manipulate their own materials. You can purchase all kinds of dress up sets, child-sized kitchens or other settings, gizmos and gadgets that are made just for children. However, you may want to have some very simple items on hand that work just as well and promote multiple uses. These could include a variety of sizes of cardboard boxes, old clothing and accessories that are clean (adult size clothing adds to the fun), kitchen or household tools that are safe and clean, an old luggage set, a mirror, old phone, plastic dishes or small sized pots, stuffed animals and dolls - these are just some of the ideas. Then they need some space to store props plus an area to really play and explore. A corner of the room with a small table and chairs could be a great place to start. I liked to use the luggage not only as a prop but as places to store items when not in use.

You'll be amazed what they can do with some cardboard, simple costume pieces and their imagination!

A Few Holiday Happenings for the Whole Family

Santa Train

Date(s): Dec 1, 2012 - Dec 2, 2012, Dec 7, 2012 - Dec 9, 2012, Dec 15, 2012 - Dec 16, 2012

193 Pennsylvania Avenue East
St. Paul, MN 55130
Visit website
Phone: (651) 228-0263
info@trainride.org
Type: Festivals & Events, Other Events
Event Location: Jackson Street Roundhouse

December 2012 marks the 10th year for the Santa Train at the Jackson Street Roundhouse in St. Paul.

The train will run for three weekends in December (1-2, 7-9 and 15-16). The weekend of December 7,8 & 9, Pies and Aprons, an original Minnesota creative entrepreneur, will be on-site for the first annual Holiday Happening. The Holiday Happening will feature vintage and upcycled wares, organic and sustainable floral selections and unique foodie gifts for that special holiday gift.

Music, crafts and refreshments will be provided along with meeting “the man” himself… Santa Clause. Take free pictures with Santa using your own camera or $5 if you use our professional photographer.

The Jackson Street Roundhouse is an official drop site for Toys for Tots. Please consider donating a new, unwrapped toy this holiday season.

Rates

• Additional Rate Information: $10 for adults, $8 for students (5-15 yrs.) and seniors, and $5 for kids 5 and under 

• Accessible to Disabled

 

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Target Holidazzle

• Date(s): Nov 29, 2012 - Dec 2, 2012, Dec 6, 2012 - Dec 9, 2012, Dec 13, 2012 - Dec 16, 2012, Dec 20, 2012 - Dec 23, 2012
  Minneapolis, MN 55402
  Visit website

Phone: (612) 376-7669
Alternate Phone: 612-338-3807
info@downtownminneapolis.com
Type: Festivals & Events, Other Events
Event Location: Nicollet Mall from 12th Street to 4th Street

Other Date Information

• Additional Date Information: Target Holidazzle occurs every Thursday - Sunday starting Friday, November 25th through Sunday. Each parade begins at 6:30 p.m. and lasts approx. 30 minutes.

• Additional Rate Information: Free and open to the public.

• Accessible to Disabled

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Night Trains

Date(s): Nov 23, 2012 - Feb 23, 2013

1021 Bandana Boulevard East
Suite 222
St Paul, MN 55108
Visit website

Phone: 651-647-9628
Fax: 651-644-5805
tcmrm@tcmrm.org
Type: Arts & Exhibits, Special Exhibit
Event Location: Bandana Square

Night Trains Season is a special Holidays tradition at the Twin City Model Railroad Museum beginning the Saturday after Thanksgiving (November 24, 2012) and running every Saturday evening from 6:00 to 9:00 pm through the last Saturday in February (February 23, 2013). New this year will be two Night Trains Extras, a season premiere on Friday, November 23rd and a New Year’s Eve special on December 31st.

Night Trains Season comes to the dozens of model railroad layouts in a magical way, the lights are turned down, the buildings and street lights glow warmly, setting the scene for specially lighted models of vintage passenger trains. The make believe town of Matlin is buried in a blizzard, and throughout the Museum the layouts are adorned with miniature Christmas lights and decorations.
This year Santa will be hanging out the Museum each Saturday from 6:00 pm to 9:00 pm, between Thanksgiving and Christmas, and from 1:00 pm to 4:00 pm on December 8th he will have sack of goodies for good girls and boys. Bring your camera and tell him about the train you want for Christmas. There’s no additional admission to see Santa!
Night Trains takes place at historic Bandana Square, 1021 Bandana Boulevard East, Suite 222, Saint Paul, Minnesota. Originally a Northern Pacific Railway car repair shop, Bandana Square has been home to the Twin City Model Railroad Museum’s O-scale model railroad since 1984. Added in 2009 is the Museum’s Toy Train Division in the historic Chimneys Building just north of Bandana Square. On display there are many model railroad layouts in a variety of scales. Many are new since last year’s Night Trains season and allow kids (and adults!) hands-on experience operating select trains and many great operating accessories.

Directions to the Twin City Model Railroad Museum can be found on the Museum’s web site, www.tcmrm.org. Admission to this special show is $8.00 per person, $25.00 for immediate families and $30 for extended families (max. 10)—FREE for children age four and under.

For information about Night Trains and other upcoming events, please visit the Museum web site at www.tcmrm.org, or contact Chad Kono at PR@tcmrm.org or 612-220-3384.

Other Date Information

• Additional Date Information: Every Saturday, 6-9pm;except Christmas Eve.

"Why?" The Question That Opens Opportunities

Children are experts on asking “Why” and have a natural curiosity. Although sometimes frustrating, “why” questions are vital for stretching and growing. Encouraging questions is an excellent way to promote exploration and understanding.

Your response to the question should be straightforward and simple. Two and three-year olds constantly ask questions because they are beginning to understand logic and reasoning. They are starting to realize that concepts are connected. When you're tired, it's time to go to sleep; when the sky is dark it means it's nighttime. Toddlers and preschoolers are looking for answers that make sense to them not a dissertation on the theme. Keeping your responses clear and to the point is helpful.

You don’t need to have all the answers. If you don’t know the answer to the question then you have a wonderful opportunity to work together to investigate using books, DVDs or the internet as resources. A trip to the children’s library to do research is a great activity that can lead to a lifetime of exploration.

Often asking children what they know about the subject can help you formulate the information to share with them. Turning the question back to them can offer greater insight into their thinking process. You might just be amazed! Then you have an idea of what you can bring to the conversation.

Sometimes our interpretation about what a child is asking is off-base. Asking them to give you more information helps to identify what they truly would like to know about. For example the question, “Where did I come from?” may not be what you think it is. The child might be looking for “Was I born in Minnesota or Wisconsin?” an entirely different topic.

Don’t wait for the child to quiz you, take advantage of opportunities to ask them questions. If you notice a child has an interest on a particular subject, you can take the initiative to ask probing questions. Plan projects that revolve around their interest and seek out books, DVDs or websites that have more to offer on the subject. As you are enjoying a walk or playing at the park or any other daily activity there are many opportunities to open up conversations and ask questions. Enjoy those teachable moments!

“Why?” is THE question to get further information, gain understanding and give us a sense of how all the pieces fit together. It doesn’t need to lead to frustration. Remember next time you hear “Why is my goldfish gold?” get excited about the prospect of having a dynamic exploration of the subject.