Media - Friend or Foe?

     Thinking back 20+ years to when the children in my charge were young, we limited the amount of television that they watched to a few shows during the day which were usually educationally based. They loved Sesame Street, Mr. Rogers, Blues Clues - it was the type of programming that we all felt good about and we watched together. We listened to a variety of music including classical, jazz, show tunes, and culturally diverse choices. Our video choices were varied as well including character building themes, classics and just for fun titles. We pre-screened commercial movies before taking the children. We made sure the books we selected were content rich and age appropriate. We were careful about all media choices. Our goal was to plant seeds that would bloom into a well rounded background that didn't rely on TV, DVDs or video games as a base of entertainment or education for the children.

     Some of those seeds did indeed bloom and produce fruit. All three children love a variety of music, they enjoy playing instruments and singing. They have shared their music with others, performing as a community service. Their interests in literature, music and films are all well rounded. All three have been involved in drama and theater in some way. We never found a way to filter out all the "junk" from their media diet. As they got older they started exploring the "popular" TV programs and movies. Not all of these came with an endorsement from me or their parents but we were able to make some compromises that gave them some control which is what teens are looking for. Often I'd watch these shows with them so they we could talk about issues or what could be considered objectionable or acceptable.

     Like many of you, I feel television has taken advantage of children's programming. If you've watched Cartoon Network or even the Disney Channel you know what I mean. Not only the shows content or attitude are only part of the problem. The hard hitting commercials aimed at kids are unrelenting. Sometimes it's hard to tell the program from the commercial. All age brackets are covered - earlier afternoon/evening programing is aimed at younger children, prime time and later for teens. We all talked openly about this type of advertising being honest about what is really going on.

      There are some provisions that we set in place before any media is used. Homework must be completed along with any household or personal responsibilities. For the most part they were not to watch shows unless an adult was around as well - whether or not the adult was watching with them. The "adult present" rule provided a supervised monitor. While we have more than one TV in the house they are all in common rooms so supervision was available.

     The same thing went for video or computer games. There was a time limit and adult needs to be supervising. Some games are engaging have had elements that are positives - problem solving, strategy, role playing, actions / consequences - which can all be learning experiences with adult guidance. I confess I still like the ones where your race against each other and build skills to the next level. I have never enjoyed battle type games and usually didn't play them. Interestingly, those are the ones that they lost interest in over time. I intentionally told them how much I like playing a particular game and why. This encouraged them to play those games over others.

     We set appropriate limits when they were young and as they matured the limits were adjusted accordingly. Part of growing up is exploration of options, but they need to know that adults are there to advise and guide them, and ultimately have a final decision. When they were toddlers they had the choice between a blue cup or a red cup at snack, as teens they had more options but through it all the adults worked as a team to help guide them. Because we live in a media saturated world which is expanding daily, we need to be aware of what messages children being exposed to. These children are now all out on their own as young adults. While media is part of their lives I know it doesn't control their lives. I believe this is due, at least in part, to the thought their parents and I put into guiding them when they were younger.

A Family Friendly Game with a Personal Twist

Ask Me Anything

by Amy Brown, Photograph by Joe Polillio from Family Fun Magazine 

 

 

 

Just how well do you know that grandma of yours? This easygoing question game may yield some surprising discoveries.

You'll see the link in the setup section to a set of pre-made questions that you can print and use or will give you some ideas for your own questions.

 

Instructions

1. The Setup: Make a basic game board (we recommend dividing a piece of sturdy cardboard into about 30 spaces) or simply use a board from a game you have on hand, such as Candy Land. On index cards, write questions that will help uncover interesting facts about your family members (find a set of questions here).
   
   Place the question cards facedown in a pile and assign each player a game piece.
2. To Play: The first player draws a card and reads the question aloud to the player on his right. The player writes down his answer while the questioner writes down what he thinks the answer will be. Both players then read their answers aloud. If they match, the questioner rolls the dice and moves his piece that number of spaces, then draws another question to ask another player.
   
   If the answers don't match, the next player draws a question. The first player to reach the designated end space wins.

Promoting Healthy Habits

It's that time of year again - cold and flu season. Here are a few reminders on promoting healthy habits in children that can help them through this time of year with less illness.

Hand Washing: There is no substitute for thorough hand washing habits. Using soap and water is the best method for preventing the spread of illness. The keys are friction and time. Introduce young children to hand washing with constant motion using soap and water while singing the ABC Song through two times. Even better make up your own hand washing song that will give children ownership of the experience. While hand sanitizers are fine when nothing else is available they don’t compare to soap and water. In order for a hand sanitizer product to be effective it needs to contain 90% alcohol – most do not contain this much. At 90% alcohol it can mean that skin will suffer from extended use of the product – not very child friendly.

Sneezes and Coughs: We all know by now that catching sneezes or coughs in the crook of your arm or at the shoulder away from others is the best method for avoiding spread of illness. Practicing with children when they are well reinforces behaviors when they are sick. You can demonstrate what a sneeze or cough does in the air by using a spray bottle with water. They can see how water droplets shoot out into a room.

Eating Right: Promoting healthy food habits is an important part of illness prevention. When we have a balanced diet, good snack choices and plenty of rest our bodies work with us to resist illness. Choose foods that support health – include plenty of fruits and vegetables, limit fats and sugars, and go with water over sugary drinks. Having a special treat now and again is no problem for those who get a good balanced diet.

Exercise and Outdoor Activities: Encourage plenty of activity each day which features outdoor time. Spending time outdoors can mean walks, active games, art time, sand and water play, science and nature activities, and more. Time outdoors as weather permits, promotes a healthy appetite, encourages deeper sleep/nap and enhances overall wellbeing. When the weather doesn’t permit outdoor time don’t forget that physical activities can take place indoors as well. Indoor obstacle courses, dance, and action games can help on those days. While all children can benefit from being outdoors and active play, it’s especially true for children that are behaviorally challenged.

There is a lot we can do to promote healthy habits and prevent illness. Starting early forming these habits will lead to healthier, happier children.

Candy Bar Cookies

by Kelly Miller

Are you looking for a way to use extra Halloween candy?  I made these cookies last week using M&M's, Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, Reese's Pieces and Hershey Chocolate Bars.  Be creative, and let the kids pick out candy that they think would taste good together.  (Alternatively, you could use your favorite chocolate chip cookie recipe and add the chopped candy bars in place of chocolate chips).  I suggest using more than the 6 oz of candy that the recipe suggests.  The cookies disappeared quickly at my house!

http://www.food.com/recipe/candy-bar-cookies-439318

Wordless Wednesday

What would your caption be?

How Do I Stop My Child from Hitting?

by Samantha Sawyer, M.A.
CCC-SLPOwner, Brightening Connections LLC
651.785.3059
www.BrighteningConnections.com

Is your daughter’s kindergarten teacher sending home notes about her behavior, calling you at work, or (yikes) trying to schedule a parent-teacher meeting? If so, then I can imagine that life at home right now feels pretty serious. You’re doing your best to teach your child and trying everything you know to do as a “good” parent. You’re following all the appropriate steps, you:

§  Talk about the problems at school, grilling your daughter for all the details in order to make sense of the situation;

§  Use logic to reason with her so she can see her mistakes;

§  Talk about feelings – your daughter’s, your own, and those of her peers and teacher;

§  Come to an agreement on how your daughter will behave tomorrow and end with a sense of understanding.

However…the next day at school it happens all over again. All the patience, time, and energy you spent with your daughter seem to be for nothing. This time when you review the day with her, you aren’t as controlled or contained, and you say, “I will not allow my child to continue this behavior!” Sound familiar?

It’s true that part of your job as Parent is to teach your child so she develops good behavior and social skills, but sometimes we adults have misinformation on how to do this in a “good” way. Luckily, no one is to blame for this (nope, not you, your child or her teacher).
Kids who hit others at school are expressing a message other than simply, “I don’t like you; get away from me.” It can be an emotional message (I’m frustrated), an internal message (I’m tired) and/or a sensory message (It’s too loud in here). When we understand what your child is expressing we can truly correct the core of the problem.

One of the “jobs” of children is to develop a strong sense of “we” to balance out the perspective of their usual “me.” When children have good perspective taking skills they’re able to get along well at school and make friends. “I already know this – that’s what I’m doing!,” you might think. If so, you’re on the right track! However, children require less logic and more experiential learning. Unfortunately for us, we mostly know to teach “we” by sitting children down and logically explaining all sides of a situation.

So how do I bring in experiential learning? Experiential learning is in-the-moment teaching. For example, if your child accidentally drops a gallon of milk, spilling it all over, the best way to use this experience as learning is to comment on her emotions. You could say, “Oh no – all the milk spilled; I can tell you’re upset right now!” By labeling your child’s emotions it regulates the stress chemistry in her brain and gives her access to the words she needs to describe how she feels inside. The trick here is to stay silent after acknowledging her emotion so that her brain has a chance to integrate first her emotions and then come up with a solution. It’s tempting, and sometimes easier in the short-term, to react in anger and/or punish your child immediately for her mistake. This is called the “easy-hard” solution, meaning you react in a way that’s easy but over time your relationship and her development become strained. Giving her as many opportunities as possible to label her emotions at home and come up with a solution will pave the way for success at school. Putting the time and effort in on the front end is the hard-easy solution, meaning it’s hard at first but it ultimately makes life easier and better for your child and your family.

Give yourself permission to try this technique, called “name it to tame it” (from Dr Daniel Siegel’s book The Whole Brain Child). This works great for children who:

§  Primarily react with anger;

§  Blame others for their mistakes;

§  Use hitting as a problem-solving technique.

You’ll be helping your child’s brain to integrate and become flexible in responding to problem situations. Plus you’ll rest easy when the tension has finally released.

 

 

 

Want more personalized strategies like these? Sign up for your free consultation with Brightening Connections today!

 

Helping Children through Difficult Times

We felt this previously posted article about coping with difficult times could be helpful to nannies and families in light of hurricane Sandy and its aftermath.

Difficult times for children can include personal issues but also world situations. They hear about earthquakes, tsunamis, tornadoes, flooding, protests, government transitions, terrorist attacks and more. Whether these are close to home or on the evening news, our children feel the loss and pain of these tragedies. Children are trying to cope on different levels and they are looking to the adults in their lives for stability, security and perspective.

Keep lines of communication open and be ready to listen. Hear their concerns, fears, observations and questions. While we may want to downplay their fears and concerns we should respect their feelings. Answer questions honestly and clearly while providing support and reassurance. You may need to ask some leading questions to help them verbalize. “Tell me more about that” is great statement to encourage sharing. Children who are showing distress but not talking about it may need your gentle guidance to conversation.

It is appropriate to let children know your feelings about these tragedies so they realize that their feelings are normal. Share your coping strategies with them. What do you do to address your fears? Help them see that society has changed to address uncertainty and make their lives safer. For example, talk about tightened airport security, review what your child's school has done to improve safety and security, and help them to see that they have a role to play in their own neighborhood and community. If you are in an area that is not prone to some types of natural disasters like hurricanes or earthquakes, let them know that the risks are low. If you are in a higher risk area, remind them about how your community is prepared.

Children may want to learn more about situations and how they can help. Participate with them in this endeavor. You may discover ways to take action that will help process concerns and refocus toward a positive outcome. We know how it feels if we are able to make a difference in the lives of others and children also appreciate being able to participate in a constructive way.

We all hear and see the news reports, multiple repeat stories, as well as reviews of disasters or tragedies. It is hard enough for us, as adults, to manage all the exposure. Children really struggle with too much information, so limiting exposure is important. When children are young we can do this quite easily, but for school age children this can be difficult. Maintaining regular routines and normal expectations while considering others allows children to feel supported and secure on a daily basis.